Top Katrillion(20) Thoughts on the Insanity of Letting Babies and Children Scream Themselves to Sleep:
1. I believe that no person of any age should ever be left alone to cry. Ever. (Unless they have the emotional and vocal ability to ask for solitude.)
2. Parents are THE source of strength and comfort for a baby. The notion that babies can comfort or soothe themselves is asinine. If you don't believe me, take a course or read some books on brain and emotional development. Babies don't soothe themselves to sleep while screaming, they give up.
3. Ever walked in an orphanage? I have. In Russia. It's eery. The babies don't scream and hardly cry. They are calm because they have been trained that they will not get picked up if they cry. They gave up. It is the EXACT same reason "sleep trained" babies go to sleep when placed in a crib, alone.
4. I have zero interest in teaching my child that I will not comfort her when she is terrified.
5. Babies screaming = terrified babies. How would you like to be a vegetable, with no capacity to move or walk or talk and be locked in a cage in the dark.?
6. Parents do not get to pick the hours of the day that best suit their schedule. Nighttime parenting is not a choice. It's your kid's right. (yes, they have rights too.)Your kid does not stop having needs because you are tired.
7. Don't have kids if you want to feel rested within the first year or two of their life.
8. More than most things, waking children seem to make parents feel out of control. Welcome to parenthood. Go to counseling if you can't manage your anxiety around your children not sleeping like you want them to.
9. Letting babies scream actually messes their brain chemistry. Permanently. In short, you run a high risk of letting your child suffer with one of (at least) the following: generalized anxiety, social anxiety, ADD, and sleep disturbances in later childhood and adulthood.
10. There are no mammals in the world that do not sleep with their young. Watch the Discovery Channel.
11. Mothers need to follow their instincts.
12. I have heard people rant that having a strict sleep schedule is a means of safeguarding one's marriage: marital intimacy, sex life and also instates God's desire for order in the home. This conversation has digressed into a discussion that parents need to establish "who's boss."
First: WTF, people? This talk makes my head explode. As it relates to God: Last time I checked, Jesus was walking around with lambs and touching lepers and healing sick people and feeding the hungry. I'm not sure what version of the Bible these people are reading?????? Someone please tell me one thing about Christ's character and life that leads one to believe that he would condone not tending to a screaming child???????????? Good marriages and sex lives require much intention and thought. If your marriage is good, you will find a way to nurture it while also tending to your babies. If your marriage is rocky, children's sleep habits are not to blame. Go to therapy.
12. Rocking a baby to sleep and/or cuddling them does not spoil them. Children are spoiled by material items, not love. Duh.
13. Parenting requires creativity and there are not always easy answers.
14. Sleep training works. Dogs and humans can be trained. Humans and dogs have much different needs. (But even dogs sleep very close to their babies and comfort their whimpering pups.)
15. "Oh it was a heart wrenching while we did it (let baby scream) but she/he sleeps now and is such a happy kid...Im so glad we did it." Want a cookie? You will never be able to judge the hurting or lonely idiosyncrasies within your child. Ever. For me, I am not interested in knowingly contributing to the wounds within them.
16. The notion of sleep training is being promoted by many many pediatricians: Dr.'s are not the authority on any and everything. Most Dr.'s operate from a medical model that is interested in producing results. It is difficult for most pediatricians to not give a definitive answer to tired or concerned parents. (ego?) Most Dr.'s are not educated around emotional development, which is why they will refer you (should) to a professional in the psychological realm when you have concerns about issues related to emotion and behavior. Sleep is NOT their expertise.
17. Parents would be really well served if their Dr. and peer influences would serve as reminders to new parents that "you shouldn't expect to get great sleep within the first year or two of your kids life...if you do, your lucky."
18. Research after reasearch proves that there is a link betweem SIDS (that's death, people) and letting infants cry in stress alone.
19. This issue should not be taken lightly. Period. It's a big freakn deal.
20.-katrillion: Don't have kids if you want to be rested or feel in control.
or in my Mother's words: "What in the hell happened to just rocking a baby to sleep?"
Heck yes, Leigh I am so glad you posted this! I rocked both my children to sleep every night and those are some of my most wonderful memories of their babyhood. What in the heck could be wrong with something that feels so wonderful to all involved? When I went back to work, Voncile would rock Peter - her lip would be raw from biting it because she loved him so much! I watched Erin cuddling Jack when she picked him up the other day - the look of contentment on his face brought tears to my eyes. We all know the power of touch - or should!
ReplyDeletewe just moved jacob to his room and i love being back in a room with a glider so i can rock him before every nap and bedtime. rocking my babies is one of my favorite pastimes. while i read babywise and, for us, having our children on some semblance of a schedule has helped all involved {including the children...mine were much happier when they ate and slept at regular intervals - calmed reflux, and always slept longer and were happier when awake when they had a full feeding and full uninterrupted sleep previously} i do NOT allow my children to "cry it out". yes sometimes my children cry bc honestly nothing i can do can soothe them {believe me i tried}. and this is completely normal and i dont think its scarring them bc, babies cry. my children {so far} slept through the night very early and there was very little crying {at all} involved getting there. which means they were probably born that way and my third will probably be two years old and still waking up just to make up for our previous blessings...ha.
ReplyDeletei think there are such extremes and for some, one extreme works and the other does not. thank you though for writing about how important human touch and love and mothers instinct is. each child is different and what works for one might not work for another, but there is something to be said for true PARENTING...vs those who attempt to take a child and force them to work around THEIR schedule in order to make THEIR life easier...and to those i say GET A LIFE and why the hell did you have babies.
sheesh i could write all night about this subject. ha! but my youngest little bitty needs to eat {speaking of!} so i will depart. but ill have you know there will be mucho cuddling and loving and responding to jacobs cues tonight as well as feeding him every three hours {or so} tomorrow :) hopefully few tears in between.
love!
and if you could tell me please how you get your children to sleep with you i would love to know. i have TRIED to get mine to when stephen is out of town and they wont. each only had a tiny window of communal snuggling as infants but other than that would never get settled and sleep with me. and rarely ON me. {not many cute baby-on-chest-while-watching-tv pics...boo}
yes, nat..i think there is lots to be said for predictable routine for little ones and fussing when so sleepy is natural and expected. crying doesn't hurt or damage babies or children...crying in fear and prolonged lengths (alone) does the damage. my oldest isn't so much a cuddler. she prefers her bed and space most of the time. when she's sick and sometimes at random times she wants to be closer ..as a baby and toddler she was a cuddler. my baby kinda likes her space once she's asleep. (unless teething or sick--then she's white on rice)...and btw, i do not think co-sleeping is imperative to healthy development..not letting babies scream alone, is.
ReplyDeleteGotcha and agreed! I don't understand how people can do that either...it's so unnatural. I love reading your thoughts and posts on here. So much more depth than most (if not all) of the other stuff I read on blogs :) and I love things that get me thinking/sart conversations. Carry on friend!
ReplyDelete(ps got some excellent snuggle time with my littlest this morning. I wish this stage lasted longer! )
VERY well said... :)
ReplyDeleteHell to the yeah! Leigh, right on, sister! I am wanting to scream these from the rooftops. I read them to David and he said that you had the attitude of a girl who is fed up. We are with you. It hurts my heart to hear people say, "I had to show my baby (2 wk old) that the world doesn't revolve around her". I'm wanting to know if I can reference your blog on mine. Would you be ok with that? Or would you rather the privacy?
ReplyDeleteWe loved having each of our 4 children sleep with us...breastfed exclusively till at least 8 months..by 15 months weaning a bit.....then surprise..pregnant with the next one! At around age 2 or so, they go to their 'big girl' or 'big boy' bed...and were glad to do so..slept soundly always. Only one of my children had a couple of bad dreams/sleepwalk episodes. Our last child, we hated for him to go to his big boy bed knowing it was our last child...tried to keep him in ours till he was 3! Ha! ..but alas...he wanted to sleep in the room with his brother! Miss those days!
ReplyDelete