Beautiful

I didn't write this: http://nurshable.com/2012/05/04/i-am-not-a-human-pacifier/ My heart skips some beats though when I read it.  My bebe and I are gearing up to end our one year + nursing relationship...  A relationship that has taught me more about the love of our Heavenly Father and the gift of life than all else I have experienced. I do say, the privilege of nursing your baby is almost a whole picture of the Lord's creativity, sensitivity and tenderness toward people.  People are miracles.

Enjoy!
http://nurshable.com/2012/05/04/i-am-not-a-human-pacifier/

Facebook, Blogs and Beauty

My sister keeps asking me if Granny retired. I was decorating my daughter's Birthday cake Friday night while the husband drank a beer and kept me company. He too, asked the same question." I don't know", I said. People want to see pretty things and I'm too lazy with the camera. Mostly, I think I piss people off, which I admittedly enjoy but not enough to push the upload or cut and paste button when I write. So, I think maybe Granny did retire. Or maybe she's just in a season of crotchedy-ness. (which has been known to happen here and there.)

In that vein, I have found that I don't really like the blog world very much. Similar to Facebook, and People.com, and Etsy and Pinetrest and US weekly, it seems like there is a false sense of inspiration or encouragement. Like the time when I was looking at an US weekly and my husband asked me if I felt good about myself when I read it. "Oh please", I said.."it's silly entertainment." He said," Uh, huh. I bet you don't feel one ounce of inadeqaucy about yourself when your done." " Ok, I said, maybe I do wish for buffer arms and some Penelope Cruz sex appeal ." Just maybe.

And just maybe I'm too Grannyish. And just maybe I'm right. People do want to look at pretty things and pretty people and pretty children and pretty food and pretty gardens and interesting gossip. And people want to present the pretty in their life to others. Even if it paints a false reality. Been there. Done that. I get it.

But neither reading it nor blogging it or taking pictures of it gives it meaning or value or beauty. Maybe it gives some pretty to make others pause and wish for what they don't have...Like that pretty kid, family, or that fabulous sofa but not the real stuff. And most often the reading and the blogging and the picturing and the facebooking and pinetresting does just the opposite. It steals the moment and cheapens the value of it. I think. It has for me, anyway. I can assure you, for most children, it does as well. Introduce me to a child that likes it when his parents are tweeting or facebooking a special moment they are sharing. I have never met one. Most children hate the camera, hate their moment interrupted, hate their moment exposed, hate posing and especially hate it when their parents are distracted by a telephone or computer.

I'm glad for technology and all the new social media venues. Partially, anyway. I am grateful to connect with old friends because of it. But life and kids were cute and valuable long before they were "liked" on facebook or validated on blogs. And daily rehearsal and comparison of ones' self to other's superficial external world is affecting. (reading and re-reading facebook, blogs, pinetrest, etc.) Most of the time, the affect is not positive or simple.

So here is my Granny advice to those of you who struggle with life in cyberspace:

1. How much time you spend in cyber space greatly affects you and those around you.

2. When and where you check email/FB/twitter etc. affects relationships. ** If you are out to dinner with your spouse...Be at dinner with your spouse. FB does not need to know. Your spouse needs you in the moment.

3. Your children need your attention. Playing with them while texting is not playing with them.

4. Your friends need your attention. Stop texting other friends and co-workers when you are having coffee with your friend. Drink your coffee. Talk to your friend across the table. Not the one on the phone.

5. Don't read blogs or websites that make you hate your furniture or your life. Period.

6. Remember that just because families look pretty dressed in all white on the beach does not mean that their life is void of problems. They have issues.

7. When you pick your children up from school. GET OFF THE PHONE. They need you to be interested in their day.

8. If you need a break from your children that are on your nerves: Drink a glass of wine or breathe some fresh air. Don't go look at other people's children on facebook. It will irritate you more.

9. Turn your phone off here and there. Run some errands without it. Leave it in the car while you are at the park with your kids or while you are excercising. It's not as bad as being naked in front of a crowd. Really.

10. Get off facebook and blogs etc. for a month or more and see how much you gain or lose.

In the meantime, I'll be rocking on my porch, bitching about technology and staring at my beautiful children.

Love to all,

Granny

Barbie

Did you play with Barbies as a child? I had a few. I survived. I don't remember much about playing with them other than feeling jealous that my cousin owned more than me and that I liked their hair. My maternal eyes, however, view them as really horrible toys. Call me crazy granny, but I much prefer some blocks and an etch- a- sketch to a plastic porn star. (see above). Recently, while washing my hair, I was staring at her (she was hanging out of the toy net on the shower wall) and hating on her and her big perky breasts, while I washed the crusty milk off my own. I yelled for the husband, and asked him if Barbie turned him on when he was washing his hair. He said, No. (good answer). And then I continued hating her and wondering about the cost of a boob lift.

I never planned on the Barbie craze because I found them so ridiculous. I figured if my girl likes to play with dolls with Barbie-ish hair, a My Little Pony would suffice. And then the relatives did it... A nice sparkly Barbie and her posse all wrapped up under the tree. And my daughter loves her Barbies. Mostly, she takes their clothes off and turns them into Mermaids and gives them car rides and hair cuts. (See above) And, I still hate them. I have asked myself if I am cowardly buying into the whole sexualization of little ones and should go ahead and buy her stilettos and a bikini to seal the deal. I didn't buy the bikini (and won't) but I did consider letting Shelf Elf make a special trip from the Pole to steal all the Barbies. I didn't do that either. Instead, I just continued ranting to God and other mothers about it. Then I did this:

I asked her what she noticed about each of them. Mostly, she commented on their coloring or their cozy squishy-ness. Reportedly, Barbie even looks like her good friend (who is a snaggle tooth, chubby cheeked, round, precious 7 year old). Then I commented that none of them really looked like real people. My daughter agreed then resumed her play in the yard. And, I swallowed my pride and resumed cleaning my house.

I still believe childhood ought to be protected from certain toys and media images (and my children's are). Barbie, for now, is not amongst the villains. She's taking her sexy seat next to Egg head, Pinkpurple, Dora, Heavy baby, and an innocent game of Old Maid. And I'll direct my neurosis elsewhere, while I covet her perky breasts.

Baby Wise-dom

Top Katrillion(20) Thoughts on the Insanity of Letting Babies and Children Scream Themselves to Sleep:

1. I believe that no person of any age should ever be left alone to cry. Ever. (Unless they have the emotional and vocal ability to ask for solitude.)

2. Parents are THE source of strength and comfort for a baby. The notion that babies can comfort or soothe themselves is asinine. If you don't believe me, take a course or read some books on brain and emotional development. Babies don't soothe themselves to sleep while screaming, they give up.

3. Ever walked in an orphanage? I have. In Russia. It's eery. The babies don't scream and hardly cry. They are calm because they have been trained that they will not get picked up if they cry. They gave up. It is the EXACT same reason "sleep trained" babies go to sleep when placed in a crib, alone.

4. I have zero interest in teaching my child that I will not comfort her when she is terrified.

5. Babies screaming = terrified babies. How would you like to be a vegetable, with no capacity to move or walk or talk and be locked in a cage in the dark.?

6. Parents do not get to pick the hours of the day that best suit their schedule. Nighttime parenting is not a choice. It's your kid's right. (yes, they have rights too.)Your kid does not stop having needs because you are tired.

7. Don't have kids if you want to feel rested within the first year or two of their life.

8. More than most things, waking children seem to make parents feel out of control. Welcome to parenthood. Go to counseling if you can't manage your anxiety around your children not sleeping like you want them to.

9. Letting babies scream actually messes their brain chemistry. Permanently. In short, you run a high risk of letting your child suffer with one of (at least) the following: generalized anxiety, social anxiety, ADD, and sleep disturbances in later childhood and adulthood.

10. There are no mammals in the world that do not sleep with their young. Watch the Discovery Channel.

11. Mothers need to follow their instincts.

12. I have heard people rant that having a strict sleep schedule is a means of safeguarding one's marriage: marital intimacy, sex life and also instates God's desire for order in the home. This conversation has digressed into a discussion that parents need to establish "who's boss."

First: WTF, people? This talk makes my head explode. As it relates to God: Last time I checked, Jesus was walking around with lambs and touching lepers and healing sick people and feeding the hungry. I'm not sure what version of the Bible these people are reading?????? Someone please tell me one thing about Christ's character and life that leads one to believe that he would condone not tending to a screaming child???????????? Good marriages and sex lives require much intention and thought. If your marriage is good, you will find a way to nurture it while also tending to your babies. If your marriage is rocky, children's sleep habits are not to blame. Go to therapy.

12. Rocking a baby to sleep and/or cuddling them does not spoil them. Children are spoiled by material items, not love. Duh.

13. Parenting requires creativity and there are not always easy answers.

14. Sleep training works. Dogs and humans can be trained. Humans and dogs have much different needs. (But even dogs sleep very close to their babies and comfort their whimpering pups.)

15. "Oh it was a heart wrenching while we did it (let baby scream) but she/he sleeps now and is such a happy kid...Im so glad we did it." Want a cookie? You will never be able to judge the hurting or lonely idiosyncrasies within your child. Ever. For me, I am not interested in knowingly contributing to the wounds within them.

16. The notion of sleep training is being promoted by many many pediatricians: Dr.'s are not the authority on any and everything. Most Dr.'s operate from a medical model that is interested in producing results. It is difficult for most pediatricians to not give a definitive answer to tired or concerned parents. (ego?) Most Dr.'s are not educated around emotional development, which is why they will refer you (should) to a professional in the psychological realm when you have concerns about issues related to emotion and behavior. Sleep is NOT their expertise.

17. Parents would be really well served if their Dr. and peer influences would serve as reminders to new parents that "you shouldn't expect to get great sleep within the first year or two of your kids life...if you do, your lucky."

18. Research after reasearch proves that there is a link betweem SIDS (that's death, people) and letting infants cry in stress alone.

19. This issue should not be taken lightly. Period. It's a big freakn deal.

20.-katrillion: Don't have kids if you want to be rested or feel in control.

or in my Mother's words: "What in the hell happened to just rocking a baby to sleep?"

Splits

Last year I had two New Year's Resolutions:

1. Help clean dishes after dinner at our family gatherings (instead of watching my mom, aunt, sisters, and cousins do it while I drink my wine/coffee)


2. Stretch daily until I can do a split



It's 2012 and I still cannot do a split and I really enjoyed watching my family clean dishes while I drank my wine over the holidays. Whoops.

Seems as though I blog like I resolute (even though that isn't really a word). I was hoping this blogging would beam me to the beach in my whites and khakis with my perfect family and provide an organic garden, amazing crafting opportunities, tasty recipes, fine home furnishings and a kick ass camera but instead my life stayed normal. I've been drinking my wine and watching bad TV (and my relatives clean) instead of writing (or stretching).


On January 1st I resoluted to write and blog regularly. We'll see how it goes.


Happy New Year!

Ask For Help

I traveled to see my sister this weekend. To do this:









The stranger lady (with ginormous bosoms) who sat next to me on the plane was very drunk. She stunk like last nights’ beer and I am confident that her bloody mary was a substitute for brushing her teeth. Before, during, and after take off, she took great interest in my baby. She professed her love and vowed not to steal my daughter and repeatedly promised me that she was not crazy. And then she passed out and snored. And then she woke up and asked if she could watch me breastfeed, while trying to crawl under my nursing cover. (No lie) I told her NO. And then she passed out again. And I giggled to myself and felt hyper to relay this story to my friends and family. I watched my baby sleep in my arms and then I watched the stranger. Her face and fingers were swollen and her face was pink in those places that tell me alcohol is in her system and rarely, if ever, leaves it.

I drifted off into humoring myself with my earlier venture through the airport and my shameless solicitations for help when I venture into public with my children: 'Excuse me stranger, will you hold my baby while I tie my shoes, secure my carrier and gather my overflow of diapers, teething things, wallet, and drink into my purse?' 'Uhm, excuse me sirs, will one of you lift my suitcase?' 'Excuse me mam, will you help me carry my luggage?' 'Hi, would you carry this car seat to the curb? Thanks.' Rearing children really is much easier when one asks all manner of people for assistance. Like, stranger in the grocery store: 'Will you hand that spice to me..I cannot reach it and keep my baby from falling out of the cart? Thanks.' Or, lady behind me at the concession stand, 'Will you sign some scribbly initials on that receipt , I have to chase my oldest and this one has my hands full...thanks.' Or, 'Will you open the door for me?', or 'Will you close that door for me?', etc. People are actually amazingly helpful. Sometimes, people even offer their help, unsolicited. Like, 'Mam, you left the doors of your van open in the parking lot. I'd shut them, but you might want to make sure they are locked.' …. It takes a village, right?

The flight attendant rolled her cart by me and asked if I would like peanuts or pretzels to go with my coke. I declined both but Big Miss Drunk Boobs, ordered two vodkas and requested pretzels. She professed her love to my daughter again, drank some vodka, then resumed her snoring/snorting. Her bobble head snored through the duration of the flight. I stared at my sleeping bambina and prayed that she would never get on a plane and act like a drunk fool. And then I prayed that as she grows in life and faces hardship that she would never find comfort in alcohol or rather, the abuse of it. I felt heavy that Miss Drunk Boobs is someone’s daughter too. So, I scribbled on a napkin, “Get help for your drinking problem. You are worth it. Love, the lady with the baby.” I shoved the napkin in her purse before I scurried off the plane and prayed that she would feel worth it and ask for help.

You Know A Child Molester

Nothin' like a little fire in the ol' belly to start off your Friday. This Penn State mess is enough to make me revisit the stomach flu that attacked me earlier this week. If you care to know my thoughts on the matter, I share this lady's (columnist from the New Yorker): http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/closeread/2011/11/joe-paternos-tears.html.

I leave you with these statistics:

As many as one in three girls and one in seven boys will be sexually abused at some point in their childhood.
Briere, J., Eliot, D.M. Prevalence and Psychological Sequence of Self-Reported Childhood Physical and Sexual Abuse in General Population: Child Abuse and Neglectⁱ, 2003, 27 10.

• Child molesters exist in every part of our society.
• They molest children close to them, mainly children in their family or children in their social circle.
• Most child molesters, 90 percent, report that they know their child victims very well.

To re-iterate. This means that YOU, sitting at your computer screen most likely have a pedophile in your family or peer group. You shake their hand at Church and/or Supper Club and/or let your child sleep at their house. Are you scared?

You should be. Now, educate yourself on how to protect your child and live in reality instead of fear or even worse, naivete.

This website is an EXCELLENT resource: http://www.childmolestationprevention.org

And if you would like me to answer questions please comment and or email me. For those of you who don't already know this...Granny's expertise, her education and career ..if you will, is in this field....

Protect Children (not Football),

Granny

email me: grannysbosom@gmail.com