Friday, December 21, 2012

Suffering

“Guns are not the problem, Evil is the Problem.”  That was my facebook status last week.  Most of my “friends” liked it and agreed.  Some disagreed and likely went to bed thinking I was an ignorant pig. Either way, I believe my statement did not accurately represent what I meant.  I, like most, have reacted to the shootings and am angry and bothered because that’s just what happens when pain is obvious and innocence is killed and we see suffering that we can relate to.  It’s first world suffering that tends to grab us in the USA.  More so than genocide in Rwanda, or current rape and torture of children in the Middle East. That suffering feels so “other” and difficult to relate to.  A shooting of Kindergartners in a white suburban town: We get it. It grabs the jugular. It grabbed mine too. Though somewhat novel to our current life experience in America, it is still real suffering. Quite frankly, every time I cut the crust of my daughter’s  PBandJ this week, I felt like barfing.  I can’t imagine the loss of my little girl. Damn anyone that kept me from getting to pack her lunch and watch her grow.  I have imagined those parents and wondered about them.  I believe, if in their shoes, the only thing that would keep me from crawling into the coffin with my daughter, would be my love and want for my other daughter.  Shy of that, I believe the pain would be too great to bare. 
I believe that evil exists. Not the scary bloody Halloween devil monster evil, but the real kind. The kind that massacred thousands of Native Americans during and after the “pilgrims” settled America.  Or the kind that stole thousands of human beings off another continent and enslaved them on American soil; Enslaved them, dehumanized them, raped them, beat them, hung them and destroyed human rights for generations.   Or the kind that murdered millions of Jews (babies, children, men, women and the elderly) by torturing, starving, gassing and burning them.  Or the kind that creates hatred of all kinds:  war, divorce, abuse, pedophilia, lies, manipulation and jealousy. Or the seemingly benign kind, like gossip, and white lies and sarcasm and name calling and the time/s I have been impatient, mean or careless with my husband and children.  It’s all evil. 
I see it at my workplace too. As  a worker in the mental health field, I see (daily) people weep over loss and shake in fear, or grieve in a fetal position in my office because their boyfriend raped them or they are scared to be with family over the Holidays because Mom is mentally ill and abusive.  And I see it when one’s mental illness is so severe and their pain so great, they tell me they want to kill themselves and other innocent people too.  I saw evil last week when we buried my Aunt. Cancer.  That damn cancer. It took her precious life. And cancer is evil.  I see it on the news too and I drive past it daily; Through the “ghetto” in New Orleans.  I have friends who teach at schools that are scary.  The teachers and the kids walk through a broken metal detector that sometimes works, in fear that being shot or stabbed is a realistic possibility every, single, day.  And they have seen students stab each other and their lives have been threatened.  But these children live in the ghetto and this is “normal” so we don’t hear about it and people don’t cry about it when they pack their child’s lunch the next day.  Nobody does random acts of kindness on their behalf or in their memory. And nobody lights candles for them either.  I know people who have no electricity and go to bed every single night holding their babies tight on the floor away from windows, because “fireworks at night” are the norm.  They and their babies risk being shot every evening. So do their neighbors. And their neighbor’s too.   
I suspect the watching world, (if they have the technology to do so) in places where it is assumed their child may be killed any moment because of random crime and/or their culture or political climate and laws allow it ,  are a bit confused by our reaction to Sandy Hook. Not because they don’t identify with the pain but because they do.  Because this pain is the norm and there is no hope of it stopping.
The shootings in Connecticut demand our best reaction and deepest sympathy and willingness to act on behalf of all those who suffer senseless death and pain.  And evil is the problem. May we debate till the end of time how to combat it.  But please, for all those who have suffered, are suffering and will continue to until the end of time, let the loss of innocence at Sandy Hook move you to awareness, sympathy and argument on behalf of ALL.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Summertime Sanity



Are you sane? I'm on the fence. Summer in these parts brings heat, mosquitoes, bored children who complain and more heat.  Here is what is keeping me from falling into insanity:

Paper Products: bowls, spoons, and forks. No dishwashing.

Two-3 words: Go play. Go play outside.

The fan on my porch

The water hose on my porch

The baby pool on my porch

The wine on my porch

The beer on my porch

Watermelon

Cute kids eating watermelon

and a Trash can in my den (keeps the dirty diapers, bananna peels and subsequent fruit flies off the window sill and end table.... at lightning speed)=GRANNY GENIUS


Monday, May 7, 2012

Beautiful

I didn't write this: http://nurshable.com/2012/05/04/i-am-not-a-human-pacifier/ My heart skips some beats though when I read it.  My bebe and I are gearing up to end our one year + nursing relationship...  A relationship that has taught me more about the love of our Heavenly Father and the gift of life than all else I have experienced. I do say, the privilege of nursing your baby is almost a whole picture of the Lord's creativity, sensitivity and tenderness toward people.  People are miracles.

Enjoy!
http://nurshable.com/2012/05/04/i-am-not-a-human-pacifier/

Monday, April 16, 2012

Facebook, Blogs and Beauty


My sister keeps asking me if Granny retired. I was decorating my daughter's Birthday cake Friday night while the husband drank a beer and kept me company. He too, asked the same question." I don't know", I said. People want to see pretty things and I'm too lazy with the camera. Mostly, I think I piss people off, which I admittedly enjoy but not enough to push the upload or cut and paste button when I write. So, I think maybe Granny did retire. Or maybe she's just in a season of crotchedy-ness. (which has been known to happen here and there.)
In that vein, I have found that I don't really like the blog world very much. Similar to Facebook, and People.com, and Etsy and Pinetrest and US weekly, it seems like there is a false sense of inspiration or encouragement. Like the time when I was looking at an US weekly and my husband asked me if I felt good about myself when I read it. "Oh please", I said.."it's silly entertainment." He said," Uh, huh. I bet you don't feel one ounce of inadeqaucy about yourself when your done." " Ok, I said, maybe I do wish for buffer arms and some Penelope Cruz sex appeal ." Just maybe.
And just maybe I'm too Grannyish. And just maybe I'm right. People do want to look at pretty things and pretty people and pretty children and pretty food and pretty gardens and interesting gossip. And people want to present the pretty in their life to others. Even if it paints a false reality. Been there. Done that. I get it.
But neither reading it nor blogging it or taking pictures of it gives it meaning or value or beauty. Maybe it gives some pretty to make others pause and wish for what they don't have...Like that pretty kid, family, or that fabulous sofa but not the real stuff. And most often the reading and the blogging and the picturing and the facebooking and pinetresting does just the opposite. It steals the moment and cheapens the value of it. I think. It has for me, anyway. I can assure you, for most children, it does as well. Introduce me to a child that likes it when his parents are tweeting or facebooking a special moment they are sharing. I have never met one. Most children hate the camera, hate their moment interrupted, hate their moment exposed, hate posing and especially hate it when their parents are distracted by a telephone or computer.
I'm glad for technology and all the new social media venues. Partially, anyway. I am grateful to connect with old friends because of it. But life and kids were cute and valuable long before they were "liked" on facebook or validated on blogs. And daily rehearsal and comparison of ones' self to other's superficial external world is affecting. (reading and re-reading facebook, blogs, pinetrest, etc.) Most of the time, the affect is not positive or simple.
So here is my Granny advice to those of you who struggle with life in cyberspace:
1. How much time you spend in cyber space greatly affects you and those around you.
2. When and where you check email/FB/twitter etc. affects relationships. ** If you are out to dinner with your spouse...Be at dinner with your spouse. FB does not need to know. Your spouse needs you in the moment.
3. Your children need your attention. Playing with them while texting is not playing with them.
4. Your friends need your attention. Stop texting other friends and co-workers when you are having coffee with your friend. Drink your coffee. Talk to your friend across the table. Not the one on the phone.
5. Don't read blogs or websites that make you hate your furniture or your life. Period.
6. Remember that just because families look pretty dressed in all white on the beach does not mean that their life is void of problems. They have issues.
7. When you pick your children up from school. GET OFF THE PHONE. They need you to be interested in their day.
8. If you need a break from your children that are on your nerves: Drink a glass of wine or breathe some fresh air. Don't go look at other people's children on facebook. It will irritate you more.
9. Turn your phone off here and there. Run some errands without it. Leave it in the car while you are at the park with your kids or while you are excercising. It's not as bad as being naked in front of a crowd. Really.
10. Get off facebook and blogs etc. for a month or more and see how much you gain or lose.
In the meantime, I'll be rocking on my porch, bitching about technology and staring at my beautiful children.
Love to all,
Granny

Friday, February 10, 2012

Barbie


Did you play with Barbies as a child? I had a few. I survived. I don't remember much about playing with them other than feeling jealous that my cousin owned more than me and that I liked their hair. My maternal eyes, however, view them as really horrible toys. Call me crazy granny, but I much prefer some blocks and an etch- a- sketch to a plastic porn star. (see above). Recently, while washing my hair, I was staring at her (she was hanging out of the toy net on the shower wall) and hating on her and her big perky breasts, while I washed the crusty milk off my own. I yelled for the husband, and asked him if Barbie turned him on when he was washing his hair. He said, No. (good answer). And then I continued hating her and wondering about the cost of a boob lift.
I never planned on the Barbie craze because I found them so ridiculous. I figured if my girl likes to play with dolls with Barbie-ish hair, a My Little Pony would suffice. And then the relatives did it... A nice sparkly Barbie and her posse all wrapped up under the tree. And my daughter loves her Barbies. Mostly, she takes their clothes off and turns them into Mermaids and gives them car rides and hair cuts. (See above) And, I still hate them. I have asked myself if I am cowardly buying into the whole sexualization of little ones and should go ahead and buy her stilettos and a bikini to seal the deal. I didn't buy the bikini (and won't) but I did consider letting Shelf Elf make a special trip from the Pole to steal all the Barbies. I didn't do that either. Instead, I just continued ranting to God and other mothers about it. Then I did this:
I asked her what she noticed about each of them. Mostly, she commented on their coloring or their cozy squishy-ness. Reportedly, Barbie even looks like her good friend (who is a snaggle tooth, chubby cheeked, round, precious 7 year old). Then I commented that none of them really looked like real people. My daughter agreed then resumed her play in the yard. And, I swallowed my pride and resumed cleaning my house.
I still believe childhood ought to be protected from certain toys and media images (and my children's are). Barbie, for now, is not amongst the villains. She's taking her sexy seat next to Egg head, Pinkpurple, Dora, Heavy baby, and an innocent game of Old Maid. And I'll direct my neurosis elsewhere, while I covet her perky breasts.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Baby Wise-dom










Top Katrillion(20) Thoughts on the Insanity of Letting Babies and Children Scream Themselves to Sleep:

1. I believe that no person of any age should ever be left alone to cry. Ever. (Unless they have the emotional and vocal ability to ask for solitude.)

2. Parents are THE source of strength and comfort for a baby. The notion that babies can comfort or soothe themselves is asinine. If you don't believe me, take a course or read some books on brain and emotional development. Babies don't soothe themselves to sleep while screaming, they give up.
3. Ever walked in an orphanage? I have. In Russia. It's eery. The babies don't scream and hardly cry. They are calm because they have been trained that they will not get picked up if they cry. They gave up. It is the EXACT same reason "sleep trained" babies go to sleep when placed in a crib, alone.
4. I have zero interest in teaching my child that I will not comfort her when she is terrified.
5. Babies screaming = terrified babies. How would you like to be a vegetable, with no capacity to move or walk or talk and be locked in a cage in the dark.?
6. Parents do not get to pick the hours of the day that best suit their schedule. Nighttime parenting is not a choice. It's your kid's right. (yes, they have rights too.)Your kid does not stop having needs because you are tired.
7. Don't have kids if you want to feel rested within the first year or two of their life.
8. More than most things, waking children seem to make parents feel out of control. Welcome to parenthood. Go to counseling if you can't manage your anxiety around your children not sleeping like you want them to.
9. Letting babies scream actually messes their brain chemistry. Permanently. In short, you run a high risk of letting your child suffer with one of (at least) the following: generalized anxiety, social anxiety, ADD, and sleep disturbances in later childhood and adulthood.

10. There are no mammals in the world that do not sleep with their young. Watch the Discovery Channel.
11. Mothers need to follow their instincts.
12. I have heard people rant that having a strict sleep schedule is a means of safeguarding one's marriage: marital intimacy, sex life and also instates God's desire for order in the home. This conversation has digressed into a discussion that parents need to establish "who's boss."
First: WTF, people? This talk makes my head explode. As it relates to God: Last time I checked, Jesus was walking around with lambs and touching lepers and healing sick people and feeding the hungry. I'm not sure what version of the Bible these people are reading?????? Someone please tell me one thing about Christ's character and life that leads one to believe that he would condone not tending to a screaming child???????????? Good marriages and sex lives require much intention and thought. If your marriage is good, you will find a way to nurture it while also tending to your babies. If your marriage is rocky, children's sleep habits are not to blame. Go to therapy.
12. Rocking a baby to sleep and/or cuddling them does not spoil them. Children are spoiled by material items, not love. Duh.
13. Parenting requires creativity and there are not always easy answers.
14. Sleep training works. Dogs and humans can be trained. Humans and dogs have much different needs. (But even dogs sleep very close to their babies and comfort their whimpering pups.)
15. "Oh it was a heart wrenching while we did it (let baby scream) but she/he sleeps now and is such a happy kid...Im so glad we did it." Want a cookie? You will never be able to judge the hurting or lonely idiosyncrasies within your child. Ever. For me, I am not interested in knowingly contributing to the wounds within them.
16. The notion of sleep training is being promoted by many many pediatricians: Dr.'s are not the authority on any and everything. Most Dr.'s operate from a medical model that is interested in producing results. It is difficult for most pediatricians to not give a definitive answer to tired or concerned parents. (ego?) Most Dr.'s are not educated around emotional development, which is why they will refer you (should) to a professional in the psychological realm when you have concerns about issues related to emotion and behavior. Sleep is NOT their expertise.
17. Parents would be really well served if their Dr. and peer influences would serve as reminders to new parents that "you shouldn't expect to get great sleep within the first year or two of your kids life...if you do, your lucky."
18. Research after reasearch proves that there is a link betweem SIDS (that's death, people) and letting infants cry in stress alone.
19. This issue should not be taken lightly. Period. It's a big freakn deal.
20.-katrillion: Don't have kids if you want to be rested or feel in control.


or in my Mother's words: "What in the hell happened to just rocking a baby to sleep?"





















Friday, January 6, 2012

Splits





Last year I had two New Year's Resolutions:


1. Help clean dishes after dinner at our family gatherings (instead of watching my mom, aunt, sisters, and cousins do it while I drink my wine/coffee)


2. Stretch daily until I can do a split



It's 2012 and I still cannot do a split and I really enjoyed watching my family clean dishes while I drank my wine over the holidays. Whoops.

Seems as though I blog like I resolute (even though that isn't really a word). I was hoping this blogging would beam me to the beach in my whites and khakis with my perfect family and provide an organic garden, amazing crafting opportunities, tasty recipes, fine home furnishings and a kick ass camera but instead my life stayed normal. I've been drinking my wine and watching bad TV (and my relatives clean) instead of writing (or stretching).


On January 1st I resoluted to write and blog regularly. We'll see how it goes.


Happy New Year!